Why the guys should never watch anything by QT
by Ivan Alias
Summary: I was bored. This is rubbish. Good God, what is wrong with me...


Nothing belongs to me... I'm all alone, with no title deeds beside me... All that I have are the lonesome Four Amigos.  
  
Thanks for all the reviews, they have been giving me much confidence. If you have any ideas, that are not too over-the-top, then please, feel free to send them in.  
  
Kudos to people who manage to spot all the QT references.  
  
And now, Our Feature Presentation!  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"What do you mean; the girls are going out for a night on the town?" Scott asked, a pained expression on his face and in his voice.  
  
Logan smirked humourlessly. "Because the girls have acted sensibly over the week, and have kept damage costs under five figures, they have been allowed to have an all-paid expense out on the town."  
  
"Yeah." Kitty added, sticking her tongue out at the guys. "We're just better behaved than you guys."  
  
"So, what do we do?" Kurt asked.  
  
"While we adults are away over the weekend to provide arguments for pro-mutant voices in Congress, I am afraid that you lot will have to be kept inside for the duration." Hank said. He then grinned at the guy's looks of annoyance. "Don't worry, I'm sure you guys will have a rollicking good time when we're away."  
  
"See you around, losers!" Tabitha called over her shoulder as the girls left the building.  
  
"Scott." The professor started. "I hope we can rely on you to keep the institute in one piece until we adults come back." He wheeled himself over to the doors, and looked back at the guys. "It will all be over soon, I can promise you." He suddenly adopted a stern expression. "I also insist on no 'monkey business'. I do not want anything inappropriate to occur while we are away. Piter here," He said, indicating the boy, "Has brought some videos and DVDs that I deem appropriate, if you wish to watch them. That said and done, I am leaving now." And he did so.  
  
The professor got into the car, closed the door, and waited for the vehicle to pass the institute gates. He then gave a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God, in all his forms."  
  
"I hear that..." Logan muttered. "Y'know, those kids are going to stop believing that we are going to Congress over the weekend. They will catch on."  
  
"Yes..." Hank said, slowly. "However, until then, I say we make the most of it. What do people say to a very big bar crawl?" This suggestion was responded to by a ragged cheer.  
  
"I do hope the boys do not end up doing anything..." Ororo mused thoughtfully.  
  
Logan shrugged. "C'mon, what's the worst that could happen?"  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"I don't believe it!" Bobby yelled. "Two whole nights the adults ain't here, and we have to spend it indoors. Worse, the girls are out too!"  
  
"Things could be worse, Bobby." Sam said, holding his head in his hands.  
  
"Oh yeah? How?"  
  
"Well... there could be snakes in here with us."  
  
Kurt walked through, looking glum. "Hey, fellow inmates." He said cheerlessly. "What's going on?"  
  
"Due nada, Kurt, zippo. Nothing. Zero..."  
  
"Can you believe it? If only the girls were still here. They could've thought of something to do."  
  
"Oh, yeah, they would've come up with the idea of facials and suchlike." Sam muttered. He then looked up. "Hey, what DVDs and videos did Piter bring?"  
  
Kurt moaned and theatrically pulled an imaginary gun to his head and blew his brains out.  
  
"That bad, eh?"  
  
"You've no idea. He's got Shrek, Finding Nemo..."  
  
"Basically all sorts of cruddy stuff that the professor would allow, yeah, I see." Bobby groaned. "I would've thought Piter would've had at least some taste in the movie department."  
  
"Nah, he puts all his taste into torturing other people..."  
  
&&&&&&  
  
Scott paced the kitchen in a bored fashion. "So, what do you think we should do?"  
  
"We could watch the movies..." Piter suggested. Dean gave him a look that went beyond disgust.  
  
"How about poker..." Ray started, then trailed off as he saw the other guys look at Piter with expressions of extreme annoyance. "...Or maybe not..."  
  
"Hey, so I saw a way to get lots of money very quickly. Could you blame me?" Piter rolled his eyes and the glares he received. "Oh very well." He then perked up. "How about we watch the movies?"  
  
"Piter, the day Ah watch 'Findin' bloody Nemo' voluntarily is th' day Ah hiv mah lobotomy."  
  
"Okay... okay..."  
  
Roberto pursed his lips. "We could go after the girls..."  
  
"And do what? Go shopping with them? Besides, we've been forbidden from leaving the premise, thanks mainly to Dean over there." Scott glared at him.  
  
"Oh, come on. So Ah accidentally slipped an' caused the Velocity to self-destruct. Ah only did it in self-defence!"  
  
"Here's an idea, guys, we could watch the..."  
  
"NO MOVIES!" They all chorused. Piter sat back, looking annoyed.  
  
"How on earth did you manage to destroy the Velocity, anyway Dean? I thought it wasn't possible."  
  
"Well, now y' know it is possible tae blow it up." Dean giggled. "Heh, heh. Explosions are cool..."  
  
"Yeah, but not when they cost us our rights to leave the premises!" Ray snapped at him. He then lent back and sighed. "So, we end up back where we started. What do we do?"  
  
"Well, I suppose we could put on the TV, and start..."  
  
"Piter..." Scott said slowly. "We are not, I repeat, not going to watch any of those stupid kid's movies!"  
  
He turned away and looked out the window with a sigh. Then he heard a slow snort. It turned into a slow, rumbling chuckle. He turned, and saw Piter leaning back, laughing ominously.  
  
"Piter...?" Scott said, a note of concern in his voice. "Why are you laughing?"  
  
Piter continued to laugh, and an evil grin crept over his face. His eyes thinned cruelly, and his smile was gloating. He swallowed, then composed himself. "Y'know, Scott..." he began, then he grinned again. "For someone who's dating a telepath, you sure don't know how to deal with them correctly."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Piter cleared his throat. "All I'm saying is that, a telepath won't use their telepathy..." He said, picking up one of the DVDs. "...if they believe they already know all the facts." He held it up. The cover stated it was 'Shrek'. He opened it. The DVD in it was 'Kill Bill'.  
  
The guys stared at Piter, who was still grinning inanely.  
  
"Piter..." Dean began, his voice lowered in awe. "You are a bloody genius. Do you know that?"  
  
"Hey, I knew that a long time ago." Piter ran a hand through his hair distractedly. "I'm not just a pretty face, y'know."  
  
"Piter, you're not even that." Roberto muttered. "So, if you've got 'Kill Bill' in there, what's in all the rest?"  
  
"Why, what else but 'Reservoir Dogs' and 'Pulp Fiction'." Piter grinned. "And, to mark this special occasion as to how I managed to fool the professor lock, stock and two smoking barrels, I also invited the Brotherhood around."  
  
Immediately groans started up. "The Brotherhood? Man, Piter, I was about to say you were cool..."  
  
"Hear me out, hear me out..." Piter said, raising a hand. "I know you lot don't get on, but then again..." he trailed off, grinning. "Can you think of any movie better to bridge gaps than a QT film?"  
  
Scott opened his mouth, than closed it, and looked thoughtful. "Actually..." He started. "He does have a point..."  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"Okay, listen up, people!" The hubbub died down in the living room.  
  
Scott got up, and paced the room. Then he turned and faced the group.  
  
"As your leader, I encourage you from time to time – and always in a respectful manner – to question my logic." He smiled disarmingly. "If you think a course of action I have taken is not the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to say here and now, no subject will ever be taboo." He paused, and then smiled evilly.  
  
"Except of course you questioning the course of action I have just taken now."  
  
"The price you pay, for telling the girls, or the adults, what happened here tonight, I remove your head, and place it on a pike." He took a breath. "Are we all clear on this?"  
  
"Ah hear that wan, Scott-boy!"  
  
Scott smiled, and then looked at Jamie. "Now, Jamie. I want you to know that we are allowing you to watch this only as a form of bribery for not telling the girls. You chose this as payment, so don't blame us if you get nightmares from it."  
  
"I won't!" Jamie said stubbornly.  
  
"Aye, keep on telling yersel' that, kiddo, and it may jes' sometime come true"  
  
"Hey, we could say this is a study of human biology. 'What happens to a human when their limbs are removed.' I think you'll find it riveting stuff, Jamie. Just remember. Never tell the girls or adults, alright?"  
  
Scott sat down on the couch, and raised the remote control. "Now, on with the show!"  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"Man, that was good fun." Eva said, as the girls pulled in from their trip. "I didn't know it was possible to go into some many stores in one day without having broken some sort of law!"  
  
"You'd be surprised what the average American mall contains nowadays, Eva." Amara said. She then sighed. "Ah well, all good things must come to an end, so logically, George Bush should be president for all eternity." She got out of the car, and opened the front door.  
  
"Ugh! What is that..." She began, then saw Dean and Toad sitting in the dining room. "...smell..."  
  
"Hey, what is he doing..." Kitty, began, then realised what was on the table between the two mutants.  
  
"Yous want some wasp grubs?" Dean said, indicating the mass of writhing insects in a bowl in front of them.  
  
"Naw, yo, I don't eat wasps."  
  
"Are yous allergic?"  
  
"Naw, I ain't allergic, yo, I just don't dig on Hymenoptera, that's all."  
  
"Well, why no'?"  
  
"Wasps are dangerous insects. I don't eat dangerous insects."  
  
"Aye, but wasp drones taste good. Wasp queens, taste good."  
  
"Hey, yo, scorpions may taste like pumpkin pie, but I wouldn't know, 'cause I don't eat the dangerous muthas." Toad swallowed another wriggling, but apparently less dangerous insect grub from the plate. "Wasps swarm and sting things that get in their way; that's a dangerous insect. I ain't eating nothing that ain't got the manners not to kill anything in its way it don't like. "  
  
"How 'bout a bumblebee? A bumblebee swarms and stings things tae."  
  
"I don't eat bumblebees, either."  
  
"Aye, but do yous consider a bumblebee tae be a dangerous insect?"  
  
Toad shrugged and pursed his lips. "I wouldn't go so far as to call a bumblebee dangerous, but it definitely bad-tempered. But, a bumblebee's got that cute fur coat. That coat goes a long way.  
  
"Ah, so by that rationale, if a wasp had a furry coat, it would cease tae be a dangerous insect, is that true?"  
  
Toad smiled uncertainly. "Well, we'd have to be talkin' 'bout one furry little wasp." He snorted. "He'd have to be twice as fuzzy as Blue to get on my good side."  
  
The girls gaped. Eva sighed. "I think we made a mistake leaving the boys on their own."  
  
Lexy looked through into the kitchen. "If you think that's bad, have a look at this..."  
  
&&&&&& Forge and Roberto were dancing together to Chuck Berry. Pietro was busy talking quickly to Kurt, Scott, Sam, Freddy, Lance, Ray and Bobby, who were all dressed in black suits. Piter was sitting at the top end of the dining, dressed in a flowing white dressing gown, smiling evilly.  
  
The girls passed the gang of guys, hearing Kurt say: "So how many chicks is that?", and hearing Scott reply: "A lot."  
  
"Piter..." Jean started, an angry glare in her eyes.  
  
"Ahh, my lovely Jean Grey! And how are we all doing today?"  
  
"Piter, what have you done?"  
  
"I've merely reminded the guys that it is possible to have a good night without the girls, all thanks too..." he pointed to his temples. "...some quick thinking."  
  
Kitty leaned forward. "Piter, if you don't stop what you've done to the guess, I'm-"  
  
Piter put on a wounded expression. "Kitty! Do you think me to be sadistic?" He looked at her flushed face. "I bet I could cook an egg on your forehead right now..." He mused. "But I won't."  
  
He sighed and leant back on the chair. "I am not being sadistic. The other guys... I could only guess at." He stopped and smiled. "No kiddos, at this point, I am at my most..." His grin widened. "Masochistic." He clicked his fingers.  
  
There was a rustling sound, and suddenly all the guys were pointing water pistols at the girls. Scott had gotten up on the table, and was pointing his gun down on them. In contrast, Bobby had fallen to the floor and was pointing the pistol up at the girls.  
  
Piter snickered. "I think the real question you should be asking is..." He paused, and grinned. "Do you mind us getting' medieval on your ass?"  
  
"Now-" Jean started, only to be hit in the face by an accurate shot by Freddy. Kitty phased through the floor, avoiding a shot by Kurt. Then utter pandemonium broke out.  
  
Lance shot at Kurt, Kurt shot at Lance, hitting Eva. Eva retaliated by throwing Lance at Kurt. Dean and Toad leapt in, shooting at the girls point-blank. Water, people and furniture were being hurled all over the place. It was only after a frantic ten minutes of trying for peace and failing miserably had Jean decided to flee.  
  
As she left the dining room, soaked to the bone, she noticed a little flurry of white running at the end of the corridor. Her eyes narrowed, and her fists clenched. She flew after the fleeing annoyance into the foyer.  
  
Piter was standing at the top of the stairs, apparently waiting for Jean.  
  
"PITER!" She screamed. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE GUYS? YOU'VE RUINED THEM!"  
  
Piter shrugged. "I merely showed them how to have a good time... with the help of good ol' QT, of course." He smiled condescendingly at Jean. "I can't believe you thought that I actually brought 'Shrek'. You do not know teenage guys..."  
  
Jean cracked her knuckles. "Well, I intend to learn when I'm through with you. I'm going to learn everything about guys, from the inside, out." She stepped forward.  
  
Piter clicked his fingers again. There was the pattering of feet, which then increased to a staccato rhythm of footsteps, then a thundering sound. Jean looked from left to right. She sighed. "Is that what I think it is?"  
  
"Did you really think it was going to be that easy?" Piter said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"For a moment there, yeah. I kinda did."  
  
"Foolish, little Jeanie..."  
  
Suddenly Jamie, dressed in a black suit with a kato mask leapt down the stairs, holding a plastic sword. He spontaneously yelled, and eighty-seven clones filled the room, surrounding Jean.  
  
Piter smiled. "Let this be a lesson, Jean. Never underestimate me..." He turned and cocked a head towards the sound of the water fight.  
  
"Ahh, Chaos. I love it so much..." 


End file.
